For most, a divorce will be the only time you come into contact with the legal system, so the process can be very stressful and confusing. Here are a few practical tips to help guide you through.
Don’t stick your head in the sand
Acknowledging that your spouse wants to divorce you can be very distressing and hard to accept. Often, both spouses will be able to acknowledge that a divorce is the best way forward. However, it is very common for separating couples to take different amounts of time to get through what is often akin to a grieving process. If you have received a letter from your spouse’s solicitor or if you have received divorce papers, you should not ignore them. You should consult with your lawyer as soon as you can.
Keep the children protected from your dispute
Frustration, anger and bitterness often loom large, both during and after a separation. This is very common indeed and Children who become “caught in the crossfire” can often become psychologically damaged by such exposure. Children should not be exposed to your dispute. They need protecting from the emotional difficulties that you and your partner may be experiencing. Try to remember that you and your ex will still, in all likelihood, have an ongoing relationship for many years to come, because of the one thing you still have in common (your kids). So now is the time to work on better, more respectful communication. The kids will thank you for it in years to come.
Help is here if you need it – don’t be left in the dark
People need all sorts of support – legal, financial, emotional. A counsellor may have lots of experience in couples separating but no legal knowledge, so they should be able to put you in touch with a good solicitor. Similarly, a solicitor may not have the professional skills to act as your counsellor. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge you may need lots of different sorts of support, not to ask us more about it. We can certainly help with the legal aspects, on other aspects we will be able to make a suitable referral for you
Try not to move out of your house
Tactically, you may lose some ‘leverage’ – particularly if the house has to be sold. You may lose control over the sale of the property if you are not physically there. If you or your children are at risk of harm, you should speak to a solicitor immediately about removing your partner from the property.
...But on the other hand
Both parties remaining in the house may be totally impractical and in some cases unbearable. It may also have a detrimental effect on the children. Each case depends on its own circumstances. If you need advice about ongoing occupation of the home, or any other aspect, please contact us now.
Every divorce is different (AKA beware making comparisons)
Comparing your own situation to how your friends’, relatives’ or colleagues’ divorce panned out, can be very misleading and sometimes disappointing. It is sensible to seek support but every family is different, so the eventual outcome of your separation may well be very different to theirs.
Do as much as you can yourself
Legal fees are not cheap. There will often be plenty that you can do (even if only listening to sound legal advice) to assist with the preparation of your case, which will go towards keeping your costs down and in turn this will mean there is more available for you and your separating family. Ask us how you can help to keep your legal costs to a minimum, contact us.
Put things in perspective, try to see the big picture
It is easy (and very tempting) to respond to everything your partner does. Sending correspondence about every small issue can however be expensive and the letters are unlikely to be taken into account by the Court. Wherever possible, you should focus on the big picture and the final settlement. (see mindfulness)
If you require more advice in relation to your divorce process then why not contact Alun Jones Family Law today.
We can offer confidential meetings within our central Cardiff location. Our divorce solicitors have vast experience and can help you with any questions that you may have in relation to the divorce process.
