In private children law cases, practitioners will see separating parents often describe their ex-partner as ‘narcissistic’. This is particularly when communication becomes difficult and there is a complete breakdown of trust. While the term is frequently thrown around, it is important to understand what narcissism really means, and how the Family Court in England and Wales would approach these allegations.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a recognised mental health condition. In order for this to be proven, the Family Court would need to identify a longer-term pattern of behaviour that may include NPD traits. These can be a) an excessive sense of entitlement, b) a need for control, c) difficulty empathising with others and d) a tendency to externalise blame/blame others. Relationship breakdowns are emotionally charged, and many parents display behaviours during this period that would mirror these characteristics and not their ‘best selves’. This does not mean they meet the threshold of having NPD. The Family Court will not attach weight to labels that are given without expert diagnosis and evidence.
In Children Act proceedings, the Court’s focus is not on whether or not a parent has NPD, but on how a parent’s behaviour (NPD or not) impacts the child. The Court will consider evidence of behaviours and traits through a child-focused lens. Some examples may include:
a. An inability or unwillingness to prioritise the child’s needs over parental conflict (i.e. losing focus or putting the child at risk, or at a detriment generally, to cause problems with the other parent).
b.Persistent attempts to control or undermine the other parent (i.e. being unable to control speaking negatively about the parent, needing to be perceived as the better parent).
c.Lack of insight into the child’s emotional experience (i.e. assuming that the child will forget or be unaffected by the exposure to conflict, or assuming the child’s experience aligns with their own).
d.Failure to promote or support the child’s relationship with the other parent; or
e.Repeated breaches of Court Orders or refusal to cooperate with professionals.
Where concerns are raised, the Court is likely to rely on CAFCASS (or Children’s Services), medical reports, and in more complex cases, psychological expert reports. In some cases, traits commonly associated with narcissism can have a detrimental impact on children. They are more likely to be exposed to adult conflict and are more likely to feel pressured to align with a parent. The Court will consider whether this behaviour risks causing emotional harm or will affect the child’s ability to have a healthy relationship with both parents.
However, it is equally important to recognise that having a difficult personality does not automatically make someone an un-fit parent. The Court will assess the full context, the child’s wishes and feelings (where they are at an appropriate age to understand), and each parent’s capacity to meet the child’s needs. In cases such as these, a diagnoses is never the ‘end’ result for contact. The Family Court have significant resources to signpost parents to, and they will consider long-term arrangements based on insight that is shown and progress that is able to be made, even if historic behaviour was poor.
Ella Vine graduated in Law from Cardiff University and developed her commitment to Family Law through frontline Court volunteering, supporting individuals without legal representation.
She also led the University’s Innocence Project, overseeing investigations into potential wrongful convictions. Ella has since built practical experience as a paralegal and brings an organised approach to client support.
