The end of term is fast approaching and for many parents the six week long summer break is a deviation from what may ordinarily be a settled routine during the school term.
Children's access arrangements over the summer holidays | Alun Jones Family Law | Family Law Solicitors Cardiff
So how are parents to deal with the issues that arise from summer holidays? There are two issues that seem to raise their heads here:
- Opportunity to spend extended time with the children, including holidays abroad
- The need to share and split this time with the other parent, to coincide with the children‚it's commitments as well as each parent‚it's own work commitments. This can be even more difficult if each parent also has a family to arrange holidays and commitments for.
- There is also that possibility of not seeing the children for extended periods of time should they be going away with the other parent
- This routine may also be new to the children – spending longer periods of time with a non resident parent when they may not be used to this. They may be concerned and have some difficulties when it comes to the prospect of being separated from home
Be prepared in advance
The earlier you can make arrangements for the summer school holidays, the less stressful it is likely to be in the longer term.
Make a list of what you would ideally like to happen. Would you like to go on holiday? Which dates would be the most convenient? Have you confirmed this with your work commitments?
Write down some details of some time you may like to yourself – do you and your partner want to go away without the children? It is positive for the children to see that you support their relationship with the other parent and positively encourage them to spend time without you.
Discuss the options as soon as possible
The next issue is to discuss your arrangements with the other parent to your children. Are they in agreement with your ideas or do you need to negotiate arrangements?
Try and do this as soon as possible to make sure that any plans you have made are not frustrated
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Encourage the children
As previously mentioned, the child/ren may be anxious about spending time away with the other parent. Children should be encouraged that this is not a bad thing and that they should enjoy the time they have away with both their parents individually.
You may also want to consider suggesting that your children:
- Keep a log of what they get up to on holiday so they can tell you all about it when they return
- Take some home comforts with them on holiday so that they have the reassurance of having something from home – for example a toy, a book or even a piece of clothing. Mention this to the other parent so that they can also encourage the child to not feel guilty or embarrassed that they may be missing the parent they are spending time away from
- Encouraging the children to send a postcard or arrange a phone call so that the children are aware that they can contact you if needs be. The children should also be encouraged that they can share their experiences with both parents, regardless of whose care they were in at that particular time
- Ideally it would be best to consult with the other parent regarding the frequency of contact with the children whilst they are not in their care. Although it is likely that you may miss your children terribly whilst they are away from you, it is important to be respectful to your co-parent. The frequency of your contact with the children when they are not in your care should be entirely based on their needs rather than those of the individual parents involved/
Put a positive spin on things
It is difficult in these circumstances not to see the time the children spend with you as ‚your time. It is in fact the children‚is time ‚Äì to spend time with you as their parent. It is important to put their needs above your own as much as that is possible in these circumstances.
For example if your child wants to go on a school trip or summer camp which is during ‚your time‚it's with the children, try to think of this not as to your detriment or as time which needs to be ‚made up‚ but as you doing something which you know your child will enjoy and will be beneficial to them. It may also assist your child in alleviating any feelings they may have of guilt of going away during their time with you if you encourage them to do the things they enjoy. They should not worry about whether they are upsetting either parent by doing so. It may also be a positive chance for you to spend quality time one on one with another one of your children.
Try to reassure the children and be as strong as possible when dealing with them going away for a period of time. They should not feel as though they need to worry‚ about how you will cope and get on without them
Don't face it alone and do something for yourself
Many parents face this issue every summer. It is not an easy one to tackle and if you hit a few bumps in the road – try not to worry. It will take some time to negotiate and come to an agreement that you are both happy with. Use those around you to support you during the time your children are away if you are concerned about being without them. It is always a good idea to have something planned yourself such as a holiday or time with family or friends. This means that:
- Your children won't be concerned about you because they know you will be doing something and enjoying yourself without them
- You are also doing something that you can enjoy and have some quality time doing something for yourself whilst your children are away.
Still stuck?
Why not take a visit to a Family Law Solicitors in Cardiffsuch as Alun Jones Family Law? They will be able to provide you with legal advice as well as practical hints and tips collected over 20 years of experience of helping parents in a similar situation to yourself.
