Here at our family law practice, we have encountered many highly complex divorce cases. The added layer of complexity could be due to a range of factors, from business interests to one partner exhibiting a personality disorder.

What's certain is that regardless of the intricacies of your divorce, conflict should be minimised whenever possible.

 Instead of seeking an “aggressive divorce solicitor”, which some partners may feel they need, you genuinely need a diplomatic and resourceful divorce solicitor. This is exactly what Alun Jones Family Law can offer you.

Our family lawyers will be adept at suggesting strategies to resolve the issue as soon as its feasible to do so.

Those who have narcissistic personality disorder often have a total lack of empathy for the stress and worry that they impose on others.

Therefore, you need a divorce solicitor who tries to anticipate the most likely move your partner may make.

This is, of course, very difficult to achieve in reality, yet it is arguably foreseeable that a narcissistic individual will try to conceal assets and their financial position upon divorce.

Therefore, this is one area where you should try to stay one step ahead of in terms of gathering documentation before divorce.

Why divorcing a narcissist is particularly difficult

The last thing you want to hear before embark upon the divorce process is that it will be arduous.

Yet the reason for this point is that if you put the groundwork in now, this could perhaps make your divorce go more smoothly. As you know from personal experience, a narcissistic individual can get highly nasty, defensive, and controlling when they feel they are losing control of a situation.

Therefore, it's better to be prepared and gather as much information as possible to assist you throughout your divorce.

You may now access a joint bank account online and other financial information?

Use this access, record, and gather the information your family lawyer needs because, often, controlling narcissistic indivduals may try and withhold this information at a later date.

Friends and family members that you trust entirely

You may want to inform friends and family members that you are about to embark on a divorce from your partner. However, this is a personal choice, and you must carefully contemplate whether they will contact your partner and warn them.

However, having a support network in place is imperative because the divorce process could be protracted, and it could be arduous and massively stressful when narcissistic individuals are involved.

This is especially so when divorcing a narcissistic partner because often, they want anything but the divorce process to be plain sailing.

Inflated sense of self-worth

As we all know, narcissistic partners can often have an inflated sense of self-importance and exhibit supreme arrogance.

They often want to flaunt purchases through social media to make themselves feel superior and that they are enjoying a luxury lifestyle.

The reason that we emphasise this point is simple: the divorce process can mean that a narcissistic partner fears that their lifestyle can be drastically altered post-divorce.

The lack of empathy means they are not concerned about their partner's well-being post-divorce.

Instead, they are often focused with a tunnel vision of keeping their current lifestyle afloat and maintaining an image that they are superior to others.

Again, we emphasise this point because it's arguably more likely that a narcissistic partner will try to conceal assets during the divorce process. They may go through every possible way of trying to hold on to their finances and investments.

This is why you need a highly experienced family lawyer by your side. They can help you by bringing in independent experts to ensure that you gain a fair and equitable split of your finances and assets.

Gathering documentation

Contrary to popular belief, you can meet with your family lawyers confidentially, and your partner does not need to be informed that you are thinking of starting the divorce process.

Family lawyers can meet with you privately, within their premises, or perhaps during your lunch break on a Zoom call.

This is where you need to put in the hard work of gathering documentation before your partner blocks you from accessing your online banking, or perhaps they may hide documents to prove that you own other assets.

Your family lawyer will be able to contact you at a time that is convenient for you, so that you can gather the necessary documentation required during your divorce.

Be resilient and hold your nerve

This again goes back to our previous point about having a support network around you before the divorce starts. If you have joint friends with your partner and you fear they may contact your partner and tell them about a divorce, why not hire an independent professional to help you with the divorce process instead?

Perhaps a divorce coach would be a good idea?

Perhaps a divorce coach or an independent support group could benefit you during the divorce process.

This is of course no substitute for receiving legal advice, this is more to support you emotionally during the divorce.

Finding the right family lawyer is critical.

It's highly recommended that you set up an initial meeting with your family lawyer and work with somebody you feel comfortable working with over the long term.

Talk with a family lawyer about the different divorce methods available. You may want to consider collaborative law and taking a collaborative legal approach to your divorce. This approach encourages open communication, often leading to quicker and a less contentious divorce. It's a way to handle your divorce more amicably and less confrontationally.

We recommend this option for some divorcing partners where one partner is narcissistic.

The divorce process is handled in a room with two solicitors present, and you and your former partner are also in attendance. Your family lawyers will facilitate in guiding the conversation and ensuring both parties are heard and understood.

Your narcissistic partner may find it more difficult to exert their power and influence over you when other family lawyers are present in the room.

The exchange of emails and letters may instead aggravate a narcissistic personality as they dwell and contemplate their next move.

Through collaborative law, conversations are instead free-flowing within a room with your family lawyers present.

All parties are committed to finding an amicable resolution outside the courts. This approach often leads to quicker and less contentious resolution, encouraging open communication and mutual respect.

Therefore, if one partner starts to take an unreasonable approach, often both solicitors state that it is an irrational demand. Thus, the focus is sometimes swiftly turned to finding a resolution outside court.

Of course, sometimes, a resolution cannot be found through collaborative law, and the divorce must proceed through the family courts.

Why you don't need an aggressive divorce solicitor

Our final point highlights that you don't need an aggressive divorce solicitor. This is something that the victim of narcissistic abuse might feel that they need.

It's fair to say that you may have felt that your self-worth and confidence were significantly depleted during your relationship.

A narcissistic partner will gradually chip away at somebody's confidence and try to reduce that person's self-esteem so that they can have more control over that individual.

You may, therefore, feel that you need a very confident and almost aggressive divorce solicitor to get through to that individual.

However, in all divorce cases, either party's solicitors shouldn't be aggressive. It's far better to take a calm and methodical approach and try to find a resolution as swiftly as possible.

An aggressive divorce solicitor might aggravate the situation, causing loggerheads between your solicitors and their solicitors, leading to protracted divorce proceedings.
Therefore, as the old saying goes, “calm heads prevail”. You need highly meticulous and expert divorce lawyers who can calmly state an argument in your favour.

Contact the divorce experts.

If you would like to meet with us, we can arrange an online or in-person meeting at a time that is convenient for you.