Children choosing which parent they wish to live with post divorce
It happens to all of us: Madonna's Court battle and when children have the right to have their say
Pop superstar Madonna is currently at loggerheads with her 15 year-old son Rocco. He wants to remain in the UK with his dad but she is determined that her son return to live with her in the United States. She apparently obtained a Court Order in the States for his return, and is now in England seeking a similar order from the English Courts.
Disputes over a child's living arrangements are always incredibly difficult to deal with, and something we come across often in practice. When parents are unable to agree, the Court is asked to make a decision based on the evidence placed before them. This is no easy task, and one that Magistrates and Judges alike would rather not make. This is especially true when the parents live in different countries, or on different continents. The law is complex but as always it ultimately boils down to the interests test. What would be in the child's best interests? The welfare of the child is the paramount consideration for any court, considering their health, educational needs, emotional wellbeing and their thoughts and feelings.
Naturally, as children get older they want more say in their own lives, so their views become increasingly important. Rocco is 15 years old and arguably is old enough to decide what he wants to do. In a few months time, he is legally able to have sex and marry with parental consent. Given his age, it is inconceivable the Court would send him kicking and screaming back to the USA if his views on the matter are clear and he is merely months from turning 16.
So does a 15 year old rule the day? Shouldn't parents be able to make decisions for their children for the duration of their minority? Many parents would argue that a stubborn teenager shouldn't be able to make decisions that will affect theirs and their parents' lives as they may not fully understand the implications of their decisions. However on a practical level, trying to force a teenager to do something such as live in a different country or with one parent may cause friction and in the longer term, resentment. If such issues are handles with sensitivity, the with sensitivity and foresight can be solved without irreparable damage to their relationship.
The best course of action here is I think for both parents to listen to their son's views and try to incorporate them into an agreement that all three of them can get on board with. It isn't easy, of course it isn't, but whoever said parenting is ever easy?
o when are children are entitled to have their say? The Court is obliged to take many factors in to account when making deicisons that concern children. The views of the child is only one factor that the Court should take in to account. The child’s views will be considered in accordance with their age and undertstanding of the situation. As such, the views of teenagers are likely to hold much more weight than the views of a six or seven year old child.
The main issue really is not to be placed in a position where your child may have to give evidence or speak to a professional about their thoughts and feelings on a matter in dispute between parents. As the mature adults in the situation, parents should be able to discuss and reach an agreement with their children. If the child for example feels that they are not being listened to, providing that opportunity may assist. Attending therapy as a family together may be helpful because it will allow all of you therapeutically to engage in a meaningful discussion about the future.
If you are embroiled in a dispute or are having difficulty discussing childcare with your former partner, why not seek some advice today so that you have full information about your legal position? Contact Alun Jones Family Law. We are experienced in a broad range of child care issues and can offer you practical and pragmatic advice on your situation and some possible solutions that are not limited to legal action. We may be able to refer you to some organisations and individuals who will be able to assist you and your family move forward. Call us today on 02920 023222.
